Quote:
Originally Posted by purplek0ala
First of all, I'm sorry you feel so bad. Depression is so cruel to us.
I can understand how you feel.
|
Thanks. I really feel like crap a lot lately.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplek0ala
One or two close friends is so much better than having many who don't fully understand and support you.
|
I am very grateful I have close friends, even a few. I just wish the others who are no longer in my life were there, somehow... They don't have to fully understand my situation or offer me a ton of support -- I just wish they would've visited me on occasion, chat, email... It was like 'Facebook' only and after a while, I didn't want to be on Facebook. I quit. It depressed me to read it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplek0ala
I hate that you lost some friends, but they're not true friends or worthy of your time. People change, situations change over time, and sometimes some friendships can't bend with the times.
|
I came to the conclusion some of them were very self-absorbed. Others were busy, and I forgive that. But I'm sad some of them didn't even seem to make a small amount of effort to see me after I got sick. I mean, c'mon, it's not hard to come over and watch a movie with me and hang out for 2-3 hours. 2-3 hours was the most company I could handle at one time, any way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplek0ala
I'm glad you have some really great friends. Stay grateful for them!
|
I do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplek0ala
I hate that you feel you've missed out on so much.
It's so hard to watch others around you doing things they take for granted, when you'd give anything to have them.
If you can't have biological children, you could consider adoption if you get to the place in your life when you can handle it.
|
Not likely. I have a lot of medical debt, and am disabled. I might get better, with time... but by the time I do, even if I won the lottery and paid the debt, I'd be considered too old to adopt. There is an age cutoff limit on adoptions, including foreign adoptions.
I think I have to reconcile it to myself somehow that it isn't happening. Kids are not in the cards, short of volunteering for some organization that helps kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplek0ala
Mainly, just focus on you. No other person on earth can complete you more than YOU. It's so hard, but you have to take care of yourself and enjoy the little things in the day. Don't worry too hard about what's in the future. Easier said than done. But keep taking it one day at a time.
|
It is easier said than done. I've already spent several years not working, being ill, and falling into debt. I have coped so far because I was always in massive brain fog and couldn't remember things. Events. Conversations. Now I'm 'waking up' on and off, and there is a lot of previously repressed anger coming out.
In putting myself first right now, I've signed up for therapy and try to see a therapist every week. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to do for myself. I've used the little things -- like the ice cream and the movie -- to keep myself going. But it's not enough. I need to have other things to look forward to. And I need my time here on earth to have more meaning, more worth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplek0ala
I hope your pain goes away and you have better days. You definitely deserve them.
I wish you all the best! Just hang in there.
|
Thanks. I've hung in here a long time already though. Lately I've just felt myself snapping. Lately I've been finding myself saying, 'enough'.