Yeah I felt like my ex deserved better too, even though he clearly liked me...strange. Getting in the way of yourself sucks but sometimes we need to take a breather and pull back from something if we need to.
I told my ex I wanted him back but he was leaving for a six month deployment - yeah I feel really guilty. He said he wasn't looking for that anymore, but he'll see how he feels when he comes back. Fingers crossed.

I was losing my mind with anxiety towards the end of our relationship though. Kinda felt like a porcelain doll that was about to crack. Too much pressure I guess. I kept trying to be this perfect version of myself but ended up sabotaging myself in the process.
Totally unbeknownst to him, of course. But he could tell there was something wrong.

Yeah it is a weird feeling to cheat with someone you aren't attracted to, like a total downgrade, I was definitely disgusted with myself.
I'm trying to work through my issues without therapy and without medication because I've done both in the past and never noticed a difference, so I figure I might as well get better on my own.