Hi connect.the.stars, by the sounds of it you're talking about these being traits of yours........holding yourself responsible, right?? But you know I'd see them as more traits of depression
But that's not to say that things can't get better, that you can't still aim towards doing small things towards that, it can just be real tough right?? and at times impossible??
And especially when there's that apathy/lack of energy/lack of interests.......all those kinds of things.
But you said "I read and I learn new things and I comprehend how they can work" now that's a real good start........that you've had the motivation to do that, that you've allowed those things to "sink in" to make sense"!!
It maybe more about how you take those things forward do you think........and you might not be ready to commit to what you've read, but that's OK, maybe you can adapt some of that?? Maybe you can set smaller goals, and even the tiniest of steps are fine, they're all moving forward.
Just wondering as well, if your expectations on yourself of what you "should" be doing are a bit high, and holding you back even more??? What do you think???
Because you do deserve so much more..........just take it more at your own pace, hey??

Alison