I went to therapy today and got to sit right next to my therapist. It felt nice to be semi close to her. It felt a lot easier to talk knowing that she couldn't so easily look at my face. Though there was comfort in that, the rest of my session took on a few hard topics. Mostly the fact that I feel pretty terrible about myself and in most situations I see myself as a pretty disgusting unlovable thing, I'm not certain I feel comfortable even saying person. she wants me to start "making room" for the possibility that I have these bad self thoughts, but that they are not necessarily truth. I want to agree with her, and believe this too, but I can't. She doesn't think any of what happened was my fault, but she just doesn't understand what happened. I need her to understand. I wish I could sit with her for a whole day and we could have a conversation about what happened. Now I'm at home feeling like crap, and all I want to do is sit next to her And be snuggled by her. I'm just so dumb