(((Jane))), you certainly have every reason to feel overwhelmed. When this happens you deserve to vent as needed, do your best to also take time outs to rest if you can too. When I say "rest" I don't mean just sleeping, what I mean is finding distractions that are non threatening so your brain isn't on "high alert" but instead gets a chance to slow down in whatever you are doing where it says "oh, no emergency so no need to build up cortizone and adreneline". Part of the reason you go into a state of feeling "numb" is because that is your brain trying to self protect. In a way, it plays possom so your brain can slow down.

Personally, I feel the timing was not very well thought out, you should have been told this when you had a couple of days to work through it instead of having to go to class or be around others where you could easily get overwhelmed and as you have discribed embarassed yourself. You really were trying your best to function in spite of being triggered and overwhelmed, you have PTSD, it's a challenge, it's not your fault, you have been trying very hard to work through it and manage it too.

Ok, this therapist has been treating you and knows you have PTSD. Surely he can write about the fact that you do suffer from PTSD and you do have trauma's that caused you to develop PTSD. Also, you do not have to go in depth about the actual traumas to strangers either, you are only feeling like you do, but you don't.

If this therapist is exiting in a few weeks, perhaps the time you have left with him can entail him helping you with working your way towards applying through the government compensation program. Instead of your working on your history, can you work on managing your PTSD symptoms as you do what is needed to find your way to getting more help and therapy? What is survival? Is it not about using the resources we have as wisely as possible?

((Jane)), while you have these challenging feelings, is not part of healing choosing to face them and work through them instead of running from them? I am being challenged badly myself right now and I can truly sympathize with how very challenging it is, challening in a way that others don't understand and yes, it can be embarrassing when it's so challenging and hard to contain in front of others. I have been experiencing all the physical pains you are discribing myself so I definitely know how hard it is. I am doing my best to find ways to sit quiet and let my mind free of the racing thoughts, it really does help and I am doing this a lot and my days have often been one moment at a time, taking many time outs to sit and meditate, allowing my arms to be loose and focusing on allowing my body to relax. Screw everyone else, it's what I have to do in order to get through each day, some days are much harder than others.

If you struggle to not think then sit quietly close your eyes and picture a big black board and you think about having a nice piece of chalk in your hand and write the number 10 on the black board, then grab an eraser and erase it and slowly write the number 9 and then slowly erase that too. Keep doing that and focus only on that all the way down to number one and then open your eyes and see how you feel, you can even draw pictures if you want to, only nice things. Your brain will begin to realize there is no emergency and stop producing cortisol and adreneline and you will feel better. It is much harder to think when spinning negative upsetting thoughts, if you work on slowing down you will begin to realize that you can think much better after you calm yourself down, you don't need alcohol or to run, you can instead practice other self soothing time outs that actually work well.

(((Understanding Caring Hugs))))
OE