dear t,
I really, really, really hope you are ok. my head is going wild with all the scenerios. I keep trying to remind myself I don't know or want to know the truth if it's more than a bunch of small things coming in quick succession. I keep trying to stop the stories I make up about why you might be out, and catostrophically guessing that you will be out next week too, and the week after that, and never end up coming back... I'm not sure how to reality check on it all. I called the office and they said you were out all this week feeling sick, but you are expected back next week... I'm trying to take that at face value. I have to accept that at face value. I have no reason to believe otherwise except for my paranoia around it.
I hope you are back next week. And I hope that even thoguh we don't technically have anything scheduled for the day you return, that the spot is still "mine" and you call to confirm (or maybe I will call to ask if it's actually mine and to check if you are back in). The way the last few sessions went have me questioning if you still want me on your case-load. I kinda need to know if you don't, so please feel better and come back so we can address that... I know, my timing sucks. It's always after I disclose worrying about becoming too much that something unrelated happens to pull a t away. ugh.
Please be ok. Please come back soon. Please don't hate me... Please be ok.