Because I read, because I've seen a lot of therapists myself, because I have a lot of friends who are therapists- established therapists DO NOT want an entire caseload of BPD's or BPD trait, or personality disorder clients- I've actually had more than one psychologist tell me they preferred to have 5 schizophrenics over one borderline, bc schizophrenics can be treated with medication and show obvious improvement, but BPD lingers and resists most efforts.

So T's will have one, maybe two on their roster, if any at all. The people who get stuck with us are the ones at county clinics, those doing their hours, or who are just starting out, have small caseloads and have the time that we inevitably demand.

But your part time therapist of course would like to fill their caseload with your "normal" average client with a bit of situational depression, mild anxiety, a custody issue, an ED in its very beginning stages that can be arrested, marital problems- something they can actually fix, and feel good about. Who wants a client who is suicidal no matter what the T does? Who is constantly in crisis no matter what the T does? Who is anxious and needy every single day outside session? Again-no matter what the T does. Who takes every single slight, real or imagined and turns it into a nuclear event?

Are you that therapist? I don't think I will be, and if I was, I'd be burnt out in a matter of months bc no one can sustain that kind of need for numerous people and still have their own life.

Honestly, if I was a T and I walked in the door, I wouldn't want to see me. Not after I realized what was going on. I'm difficult at the best of times. I'm demanding. I'm not actively suicidal atm, but when I am, it is constant and pressing and draining- for me- what is it like for my T?

Additionally- there's a reason a lot of private practice T's don't take insurance.

One of my T's said to me once that the "average" client-the young professional/family man/woman-makes their appointments, pays the full cash fee without haggling over the price, shows up on time every time, talks through their issue, gets better, leaves.

But the real serious cases- the personality disorders, the chronic depression etc- those cases make appointments, they may or may not show up, they put you through the ringer, they hate you they love you, they need you in between sessions, theyre constantly suicidal, they DONT get better, they make you doubt yourself, they're emotionally demanding AND to top it all off they want your services (where you are working extra hard) for free or at a serious discount/sliding scale. THAT is what the BPD/sui ideation stigma is based on, IMO.

So we get shunted off to "county" where they still don't give us therapy, (bc they're thinking "why waste valuable resources on a lost cause?) but rather groups and case management to keep us afloat and out of the hospital but the goal is never to cure, bc once you are an adult and have developed an extensive and persistent psych history, no one ever thinks you're going to get better, no one ever thinks you're going to leave. You are just herded like cattle and the case managers try their best to keep you alive and borderline functional.

I'm sure many of you will disagree with what I've said, but it's what I have observed myself, and been told by people in the field. Actually had a professor talking **** about one of her BPD clients in my ethics class the other day.

From the client's chair we do not see things like this, from this perspective, but if you can really put yourself in your therapist's chair and see through their eyes, how would you see yourself, what impact would your behaviors be having on you?

My T told me in my last session after a really long pause that she didn't think I wanted to understand the impact I have on people.

I didn't understand what she meant at the time, but I think now maybe I am beginning to.