Ugh, how do those kinds of conversations go down exactly...? The only scenario I have to relate it to in my mind's eye IS a stereotypical King-servant "relationship." I see him scooting in at the head of a set table, tucking a napkin in at his collar, and dismissing you once dinner is before him while lending a backhanded compliment as you go. You cannot let people treat you this way for any reason.

In the moment, sometimes we don't realize how warped things have become, but every other poster here can see this as completely intolerable behavior and so outrageous that it doesn't warrant waiting out anymore. Refresh your perception.

Think back to your former self - the "you" before your entire relationship began. If you told her "In about six years, you'll be married to a man that has you waiting on him to earn his affection - you'll be hovering waiting for him to decide whether you get to stay in your home or not, depending on how well you serve him" ...what would she say? I'm going to take guess that whatever that response would be is where you need to start - the view you need to reset your perspective. Remove your sentimentality from the picture and see this at face value. Look at only the present situation. No matter what happened before this moment, what's happening now is unacceptable. Take back your independence.

It's good that you've reached out through the forum for some outside perspective - two eyes are better than one, and you've gotten the benefit of even more than that. However, you keep asking a couple questions, in so many words: "why?" and "what should I do?"

As for why, there is absolutely no way of knowing, because your husband will not have a productive conversation with you. That is, simply, that. All of us could speculate his motives and feelings for dozens more posts, and you and we will still not know why. At this point, don't waste your energy. Again, look at this situation only at face value and push off from there. Maybe, once you've established a healthy environment (physically AND mentally!) for yourself, it could bear revisiting to begin separate repairs. Now, it is wasteful energy.

What should you do? Absolutely none of us can tell you. We can tell you what our eyes see and help construct a more solid platform to push off from, but to what and for what end, we cannot determine for you.

I return to my original opinion - you need to figure out what you want and what you need to be healthy right now. Reset your perspective, identify the malignancies, and with that determine how to get healthy again.

He is calling the shots right now, determining the direction of things, all while acting like a child, and you're going along with it. You allow it. Would that past "you" trust a child to make decisions for her? He is targeting aspects of your life that grant him more control. Remind him that he doesn't control you - you are an adult and, at this point, maybe the only one in your relationship. Don't let him do these things to you.

He's given you nothing but demands and consequences. What consequences are there for his behavior right now? What reason does he have to stop acting this way? You've let him do everything he wants the way he wants to given whatever whim - why should he stop? Show him the consequences of his actions! Take action against his horrible acts to you!

By no means am I condoning some mission of vindication or revenge. I simply mean the same as I've said before - you need to figure out what you want and what you need to be healthy right now. Reset your perspective, identify the malignancies, and with that determine how to get healthy again. I guarantee that will begin by not standing for his behavior, which will show him the consequences of the mess of actions he's been accumulating.

He treats you like crap, expects dinner, and you still give it to him. If it were me...Oh, ***k no. Why would I want to take care and time making something for him after he's torn me down? He badgers you, then texts you acting like nothing happened, and you go along with it. Adults don't get to walk all over their cake, have it magically recompose, and eat it too.

Again, reach out for help from people that support you . Mind, this means you and whatever decisions you make towards getting healthy again, not just certain ideas. Don't go relying on the friend that just wants nothing else but to see you and your husband be happy back together; do go rely on the friend that wants to see you happy, healthy, and whole, relationship or none.

Knowing only what I've read here, if it were me...
If this means going to family hours away, so be it. I'd refuse to be a hostage in my own home. I'd tell him I was sick of being jerked around and conditionally loved in my own marriage and leave. (You can't fire me - I quit!) Go somewhere loved. Commuting sucks, but I've got to take care of my own. Before packing up (without him around) and telling him I'm leaving, I'd open a new bank account, withdraw plenty of cash from my old account to at least cover commuting's gasoline and wear and tear, some money for essentials to last at least a month, and then deposit to my new private account in case he cancels cards, et cetera. Make sure my work doesn't direct deposit into old account, etc... I'd tell him I was ready to talk like equal adults whenever he was ready, because he clearly isn't, and that I was tired of banging my head against the wall hoping for results. If I needed stuff other than what I'd packed to leave with, I'd just run by the house and grab it. If the locks were changed or he wouldn't let me in, I'd do as another poster said and call a locksmith, or I'd call the police to have him let me in my own damn home. After all, I'd be staying elsewhere for a while, but not "moved out" or divorced. I'd go on living my life without taking his abuse. My only revenge would be succeeding. Time for him to show if he wants things fixed or not. ...But that's me.

You've been torn down, and yes, it's terrible, and it hurts like hell. You need to stabilize and build a foundation for yourself now.

Reset your perspective.
Identify the malignancies.
Start getting healthier, whole.
Figure out what you want.

So, can you answer these?:
What would the past "you" say?
Where do you stand now, in relation to that?
What do you want? When you think of yourself healthy again, what do you see?
What can you do to get there from here?