I don't think I can do this anymore...

The singing in my head, the woman, the people on the roof, the cameras...

I haven't slept in weeks and yesterday I had a severe mental breakdown because my birthday is today and I do not want to be 18. I was so sure that I would time travel back a few days ago and when it didn't work, I wanted to kill myself. My mom is on top of me like a hawk, forcing me to sleep even though the girl in my head won't let me. She makes me turn off the lights and the TV and the TV is a dark portal between our world and the evil world. She thinks that if I sleep everything will be ok but it won't. I was so happy and jittery Wednesday and I even read 400 pages of my book (which is really good by the way) and bike 15 miles with my dog. What happened to my happiness? I am not going to do this anymore. She thinks I should go to the hospital or sleep with her until I magically get better but I don't like any of those options. I love the singing, but sometimes she gets so mad at me and faces stare at me through reflections. If I kill myself I will be reincarnated as a beautiful bird and be my family's guardian. But what if I end up being tortured like the girl in my head? She has been tied up and beaten for centuries and she sings for hope. I am so confused..