It could very well be vaginismus, or it could be that you are just new to this and inexperienced.

My first few times did hurt. It takes a while to get used to the feeling of being penetrated, I was not expecting to feel so stretched out, like I was tearing apart or going to break. I'm like you too in that I don't like fingering. I never liked to do it to myself, and I don't like it when my husband does it to me either. It's just never turned me on or felt particularly good. This is a bit of a problem for us, because fingering allows you to build up gradually - one finger, then two, etc. You can get used to the feeling, and then it's not such a shock when he dives in with his penis.

I would recommend being nice and relaxed before you get started with sex. Maybe start with his and her back rubs, kissing all over, lots of nice slow foreplay. It's important to be worked up (read: lubricated and sexually excited) so that penetration will be easier and cause less discomfort. Take your time, don't rush things. Hugs.