I don't want to have it. I hate having it. I hate what I've become. I don't want to accept it. I don't want to accept that I will never be nothing but a complete and utter loser the rest of my life. The last 4 years have been an absolute nightmare and hell on earth for me. I really have no reason to live. There is not one valid reason for me to consume oxygen out of the air that many menyally healthy people need. I am now a waste of a human being because this has all devasted me. The dx does make a lot of sense as I look back at my life. I just absolutely cannot get over thinking that I may have been able to have had a good life up until this point if I knew when I was a teenager. I ruined my life by depriving myself of all things good because of isolation. I no longer have any reason to continue on. Can anyone give me a seriously good reason? The anti depressant positive tomorrow can be better doesn't work for me because ad put me in huge debt because of that kind on mentality. I am a Realist. I need serious real and valid reasons why I have to remain alive and kicking?