Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadix
The problem with this is that no girl is attracted to a guy who displays weakness or incompetence. Girls are wired through evolution to desire guys who are socially graceful and excel at what they do. The root of my problem is not social anxiety, it is the fact that I just suck at life. I am naturally incopetent and whenever I try to do anything, it shows. I don't know what my problem is because all the idiot therapists I have been to just say its social anxiety. But because of this, I cannot connect with anyone socially. All my interactions with people are inhibited and fake because if I acted on my true impulses, I would be exposed. I have no interest in having any sort of interactions with people if they see me as a loser and pity me. I would literally rather live my whole life alone. Basically I am forced to choose between being fake and being pathetic. I choose fake. So basically what happens is that when I meet a new group of people I try very hard to keep up this facade making myself look normal and desirable, but eventually I slip up and they see that I am a loser. At that point, I give up on them and move on.
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Well, I guess it's a good thing I didn't know all these things about us women before I began dating my husband. He was very self-conscious and obviously terrified that I would somehow find him lacking. His ex-wife really did a number on him and he was still trying to get over it when we met. At first he would keep breaking up with me because he was certain he wasn't good enough. I had to be very patient and persistent because I knew underneath all that angst was a good man, and I was right.
For what it's worth, as long as you think you suck at life, you will. Are you sure it's the therapists who are the idiots? I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just trying to get your attention. What are you worried will be exposed? Your belief in your own incompetence? If you don't want people to think you're a loser and pity you, then you need to stop acting so pathetic. You become pathetic when you try to fake people out to make them think you are normal and desirable when you are convinced otherwise. It's ridiculous to expect others to see you as someone you are not when you are so certain you are a loser and then walk away from them as soon as you perceive that they have seen you for what you think you are. I have to wonder if you even give them the opportunity to get to know you. So what if you slip up - do you really want to be friends with people who expect you to be perfect?
I highly doubt you are as incompetent as you think you are. Your choice is not between being fake or pathetic, but between self-assurance and self-pity. You can either sit around and continue to feel sorry for yourself, or you can work to find ways to make you feel better about yourself and improve your quality of life.
My husband and I are both very damaged people and we know that hell is not some place you go to when you die because it exists right here on earth. In spite of it all, we found ways to make a good life together. You can too, but first you have to want it, and then you have to work at it. I wish I could assure you it's easy, but it's very, very hard - and worth every ounce of effort.
Good Luck and Blessings to you.
WW