Welcome to Psych Central (PC) Envectus. Sorry you are in such extreme distress. Most people will contact their therapist or psychiatrist when they have suicidal thoughts.

A safety plan is important.
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan for suicide

Many people here get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist with meds that can help stabilize things.

Some people at PC will find a therapist will help them sort out the roots of their life.

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com