I came home. I sat there so long.......and eventually was able to pull myself away.

I sat outside and tried to mindfully watch the sun set..........

It was not my best moment.....I really wanted to call the crisis team, and ask for their help to work it through with me, I was stuck, like I have been before when completely panicked. But I couldn't call, because then my therapist would find out and I was worried about saying something about him leaving.....because he hasn't given his official notice yet. I didn't want to say something I shouldn't.

Now....I am doing the next best thing to drinking, I'm eating and eating and stuffing all these emotions away.

Believe me I am trying.......I am trying to accept the situation, and plan for a good ending. I am trying to think how I can use this ending to support me the best way. I want to avoid, but I am trying to tell myself to go back and see him. I am trying to remain in the present moment, do today.........just.........I can only seem to last so long with the positive front.

How long will this last?