Thank you all. Things suck.....I know I need to accept this, and part of me does, I just don't want to. But I will.

My mind can not handle what is happening......any emotion that comes up gets shut off so quickly, I just feel numb.......but stuck.

I wrote on another thread.....I found myself stuck in my car outside a bottle shop(liquor store) for well over an hour....battling myself to go in or go home. I wanted to call the crisis team to help talk me through it. But couldn't, because I don't know if they know about my therapist leaving officially yet.......so I didn't want to say the wrong thing.

Anyway....I made it home. I am, as my therapist would say, self harming with food. I call it stuffing the emotions down. It feels safer to me. But I have a pain in my chest, it is so tight......I am I don't know what I am!

OE....the thing at uni happened 2 days before my therapist told me. And I guess he left telling me until Friday so I'd have the weekend. I just had to do an event today, and it was exhausting 'faking it' all day bloody long. Tomorrow I have to finish writing a final assessment for uni, then I have to work from 3-11.30pm, then back to 3 full days at uni...........

I need a break.....before I completely break.

I am trying to not run away. I am trying to do all the things I know how to do to manage. It is just so hard, and I feel so alone and wish I had someone who could support and comfort me in real life.