I feel like I'm constantly letting people down because I get stuck in my thoughts or become self absorbed.

I organised a walk for today but not many people had signed up and it didn't seem worth it in the end as it's a walk I would have preferred to do with a larger group, so last night I cancelled it. It was organised on FB, so I left a note on the page, then pressed cancelled on the event, then tried to go back to the event to send private messages to those who had signed up, but didn't realise FB deletes cancelled events so I couldn't.

I briefly thought about texting those whose names I knew were on the 'going' list, but there were reasons I thought they probably weren't going anyway, and I thought people would notice the stuff on Facebook - they would get a notification about the message I'd left.

Basically, I didn't think about it long enough, I was trapped in my own thoughts at the time, ruminating too much, and I just for some reason thought everything was fine.

So of course today I get an angry call from someone who was on a train to the walk. I apologised a lot and said I'd cancelled on FB and left a note to explain why and told him to charge me for his train tickets. He said I didn't need to pay because he was with a friend and they would go on a walk together instead, but he was still pretty angry about it and was saying that not everybody checks FB on a Friday night etc.

The reason I'm upset with myself isn't totally about the above event. It was an honest mistake and I haven't ruined his day or anything, he's got someone with him and they're having the walk anyway. I just feel like this is another example of me letting people down because I'm not 'with it' (which I rarely am) and I'm not thinking straight. For instance, I'm like 5-10 mins late for work everyday because I get trapped in my thoughts in the shower and end up in there too long, or I'm not concentrating when I put my alarm on and do it wrong so it doesn't wake me up. Or I'll be taking notes in meetings and then I'll lose the bit of paper with the notes on it and can't remember my actions. Or there's a couple of times I've been late for friends because I'm not with it.

Basically, I can tell that I'm never 100% 'awake' or in the moment, although I make a lot of effort to be (I meditate and try to practice mindfulness etc) and I know I'm forgetting things or not thinking straight and letting people down a lot.

I feel really trapped by this. I just want to wake up and stop ruminating and do my best.