p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; } Life is depressing sometimes, I've managed to destroy just about every relationship I've ever had with anyone. Seriously .. the only people who are talking to me right now are my mother , my daughter and my dog. In 2004 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and PTSD, it was my first time I've ever had an appointment with a mental health doctor, the VA since then has rated me 100% P&T disabled. I cant believe I'm still having such a disrupted life, I've been home from the war now for 10 years. Every time I go to the VA and ask for help, it seems they just write me another prescription. If I actually took all the medicine they prescribe me, I'd be walking around all day like a zombie, and what kind of life is that?
So, I am currently in marriage #4, and it seems to be devolving pretty rapidly. I think it's just a matter of time before she finally gives up on me. Is unconditional love just something they put in fairy tales? I married wife #4 mostly because she says she's been in love with me for about 35 years, since we were children. Well, I thought after that long she must really be in love with me. Maybe she is in love with me and I'm just incapable of love, I hope that's not the case. One of the problems is, she doesn't know what PTSD is and don't care to learn something about it. She thinks if she threatens to leave me, that will somehow make me keep my anger under control. It's not something I have control over. The fact that I've never been physically violent with her when she is on one of her rants, trying to provoke me is a miracle.
My anger has scared the crap out of me ever since I got back from the war (US Army, Iraq).
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Does PTSD and bipolar depression mean I have to either be a zombie all the time, or not have any relationship with anyone?