Hi insertname. Sorry you're having a tough time of it lately, and feel like you're letting other people down. It sounds like you're having trouble doing the things you want to or need to, though, and maybe you need some additional help with figuring out why?
A few things in your post leaped out at me:
Quote:
Originally Posted by insertname
"...Basically, I didn't think about it long enough, I was trapped in my own thoughts at the time, ruminating too much, and I just for some reason thought everything was fine."
"...I just feel like this is another example of me letting people down because I'm not 'with it' (which I rarely am) and I'm not thinking straight."
"...For instance, I'm like 5-10 mins late for work everyday because I get trapped in my thoughts in the shower and end up in there too long, or I'm not concentrating when I put my alarm on and do it wrong so it doesn't wake me up."
"...Or I'll be taking notes in meetings and then I'll lose the bit of paper with the notes on it and can't remember my actions. Or there's a couple of times I've been late for friends because I'm not with it."
"...Basically, I can tell that I'm never 100% 'awake' or in the moment, although I make a lot of effort to be (I meditate and try to practice mindfulness etc) and I know I'm forgetting things or not thinking straight and letting people down a lot."
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Based on what you've written, it sounds like you're having trouble focusing, concentrating, and remembering things. You've said you don't feel awake and can't think straight.
All of this would make anyone have difficulty following through on things. You're also being hard on yourself -- which puts additional stress on you and can make focusing and remembering more difficult, too.
Maybe if you can discover why you're having trouble focusing, concentrating, and remembering it would help.
Do you remember when you first started having trouble? Looking back on what happened then may help you figure out why things changed. If it's become a regular, frequent issue then it may be you have some medical condition like sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, etc. affecting your ability to think straight during the day, and talking to a doctor could help you pinpoint if that's a cause. It can also be depression and other conditions, and talking to a therapist might help there.
I'm sorry you're having a difficult time lately. I hope you find answers and you begin to feel better soon.