If you are in a monogamous relationship, indulging in your sexual desires and fantasies is a wonderful thing. In my case, I think it has more to do with trust than the child abuse I suffered. It takes an enormous amount of trust to not only share with your partner what you like, but to enjoy indulging in your fantasies (and your partners, of course). I find it cathartic and liberating and don't consider any of it to be 'kinky', just different from what 'vanilla' couples enjoy.

For years I thought I was a 'freak' and kept my 'freakishness' secret from everyone, including my husband. I'm not sure what changed exactly except that through therapy I gained the courage to accept myself for who I am and since I was not getting any younger, I figured if I didn't let go of my inhibitions, I would become a miserable old woman because I would always know in the back of my mind that if I didn't learn to trust again, my abuser wins. For me, death was preferable to letting that ***** have that much power over me.

My husband and I explore and experiment with all sorts of things I thought I would never do, and now I am so thankful that we do. It has brought us closer together and enriched our lives in ways nothing else could.

I hope this helps.

WW