yeah, thx for the advice, I guess I have been trying to pacify her and be her best friend because I feel sorry for her, and it isn't working , she takes advantage of me, my own guilt about my mom, and the abuse I took from her, I promised myself I would never treat my children the same way, but I guess I have lots to learn....I am not nieve to manipultaion, but it snuck up on me.....believe me I too never got to grieve, because I had to be strong for them...be the tough one...and there are days I am ready to lose it....seems God allows things to happen so when you ahve had enough you will learn to depend on him, instead of me....I am so tired....hugs....to you all