Hi connect.the.stars,
Hey, no apologies needed, you're not rambling as I see it, they're thoughts/feelings, your thoughts/feelings and they matter!!
From your posts I'd see it a lot less as you don't want to get better, but more as depression has taken away a lot of your motivation/interest in doing things that might help you start to feel a little better???? And naturally you are going to prolong things from there.
So no taking all the "blame" on that, as in "Why don't I want to be better?", hey??
And all that stuff you see as you "should" do.........well a lot easier said than done when your body/your mind is telling you something like "actually, why bother/don't want to/what's the point.......", right??
But exercise..........well that doesn't need to be "full scale", just something slightly more active/very slightly more active for now?? Although if you actually can't then something else maybe, doesn't have to be essential.
Going out in the sun.........well if you've made it out for an errand, maybe try to prolong that time out, even just by sitting somewhere, just a little???
And so on................
So forget about the "should"s for now maybe concentrate more on the fractions you can do.
And people thinking your goal should be to get better.........well that's so much easier said than done, right?? And not much of an actual goal to be having when you're consumed by inaction...........so maybe smaller/more tangible goals, hey???
Not saying that having goals are always the/any answer, sometimes it's going to be more support, more help, or more time you need.......but worth a go???
And the unread books from Amazon.........seriously do not "beat yourself up" about that!!! Sometimes, when you're in a certain "place"........well books can "just be words on paper", nothing to pull you in, nothing to make you want to read them, "no real purpose/meaning to them"..........so what I would suggest is either pick out paragraphs, set yourself a goal to read a chapter a week (??), review what you've bought e.g. you might have books on assertiveness when you really want books on confidence or go another route..........might be more meaningful to you getting personal accounts/input. Maybe try checking out people's blogs or youtube until you find someone you might be able to really relate to/identify with???
Anyway just some thoughts..............
And if we're talking depression............reality is you don't "have it all so easy" isn't it??
But don't forget, we're here for you, OK??!! If you want to talk.............

Alison