Family sit down discussions are necessary imo. Talk talk talk...listen a lot too. It's ok not to have the answers they ask, tell them you'll work on finding out (together?) Let them know it's ok to be angry at God, He's a big Guy and can handle it, plus He fully understands it. God said, Come now and let us reason together... let them vent to God and allow Him to show them His love. What they and you have been through has been tough. Things can change, have already and will continue as you grow in Christ.

You have to have some firm rules in your home. At one of the sit down discussions, agree together to the rules (checking in at home, telling you who you are with, giving you contact info for all their friends, what time is curfew, when they have to have work/chore/homework whatever! done before doing fun? Make a list of what is important to you. Let them know what you need from the relationship. Let them know what you will give in the relationship. (To listen, not react or if you do to calm yourself asap to work through any issue, provide xx clothes or spending money..etc)

Write the rules down..and then this is the important part: agree to the discipline if a rule is broken. It doesn't have to be the same for each rule (not always grounded etc) Write it all down and put it in a place for viewing. This way, they know the consequence. You don't have to be the ogre to tell them or decide, they have helped decide and agreed. It is the rule chart that is the ogre, they have made a choice of their own (to break a rule or not.) Don't fudge...even if it's prom night etc.

Young ppl need rules. They also need discipline. That's part of how they know you care about them: you enforce the rules and keep them safer. Tell them they can do this with their own children, once they are in their own home with their own rules (to which they might say, I'm NEVER having children!!!! )