I'm sure Dr Clay will respond for you.

Let me share that you have every "right" to be angry at a remark like that. As you correctly said, this reaction doesn't do you any good. There is a way to be angry and not feel it's harmful effects, but it takes work. I think what you said at first was great! (In that you felt the need to even address the guy though, idk.) But when you called him a name, that was overboard, imo. His ignorance showed, but then when you called him a name, it went from education to insult. He probably missed the message.

There are many ignorant people in the world, we won't ever reach them all. If you can find a way to rise up to that perspective, that would be really good, imo. Though it was a personal remark, it probably came from something his ignorant parents or peers gave him. Hopefully he will mature and learn. Sadly, many ppl in the world do not ever.

Does this incident lurk in your mind because of the list of things you shared (how you feel self destruction, worried about becoming violent?) That is a good thing to focus upon, imo. Thought stopping might help. You did plenty of it I think at the time. Keep working on it. Counter the thoughts that come into your mind. You probably felt and thought about doing much more than you did, but stopped yourself. Maybe go back through the scenario as you recall it, really attend to it, putting all the information there, where you were, who was there, was there music, what had you just talked about with someone, or done or eaten.. and then as you realize the whole picture, NOW stop and think and "redo" what you wished you had thought, or done. Or just insert, "I need to... at this point in the future... instead of... (what I did.) Break it down like a football play or a chess move?

Your mind wants to review it anyway, and make it right. What do you think would help you feel better that you won't react this way in the future?

TC