Other than the casual feeling of worthlessness, I feel very bad about me to the degree of calling myself an alien, because the way I talk, walk, or behave in general, is definitely not relatable to any normal human being at all.

I want to fix things, but whenever I get comfortable with people, I say and do the wrong things, making me go back to my Depressing Numbness of Guiltiness (DNG), meaning that whatever I said or done that wasn't well perceived by people (or myself) will put me in an emotional state filled with painfully saddening memories, where I only feel guilty and the one thing I want is to lash myself, not to mention the inability to get out of bed at all. It's like I want to stay isolated in my room for good, even though I know it's not a good thing.

I don't think that I am at all intelligent, I seriously doubt that I am of good appearance, and all of that reflects on me negatively, which will simultaneously affect other people as well, making me throw some weird stuff at them that are brain fattening. I mean, what if I just ruined someone's life just because I didn't choose my words well? That's why I'm forever zipping my mouth, I will not talk to anybody, and that is not a surrendering process, it's just me staying safe, and keeping everyone else safe for that matter.