For a while now I have been feeling down. Not exactly suicidal, I've been there, I know the difference. It's just...I don't even know what it is, which makes it hard to explain to others to get help. (Trigger)I just feel like I'm stuck in a deep ditch called depression and the more I struggle to get out the further down I sink. Other people pretend not to see because they are afraid if they reach out they will get sucked down too. I don't know what to do. I can't take too much more of this. I wanna disappear sometimes.(/trigger) I can't seem to talk to my friends. My boyfriend is an hour away and I won't see him for another week. I can't talk about this over the phone or by text. So I have to wait. That's one for the problems right there...I miss him. This depression is making my hallucinations a lot worse too. When he was here they were much more under control. He was my protector. I can't talk to the group home either because they tell me to call crises care or want to put me in the hospital and crisis care is no help to me whatsoever. They tell me stuff I already know. I guess I just... I'm looking for somebody to talk to.