I dont know why I posted. Sorry for wasting everyone's time... my problems seem so insignificant. The more I think, the more I literally flinch. I go home to visit and he'll just innocently touch me (non-sexual) and I will literally flinch. suprised nobody notices.

Thanks for all your replies... I'm gonna try to find a good T, but will see how that works out... sigh. Cant afford to pay a lot at all.

I hate how I'm so willing to blame myself, when it's true... if it happened to someone else, it would never ever ever be their fault. I seem to evade all the logical rules in my head. Rules dont apply to Christina. (mad at myself)

much love you wonderful people, and to everyone who PMed me too.