let me preface by saying that I've never been married and i'm a virgin (i'm only 22), so i don't have a lot of experience in that arena.

i don't know about the nature of the trauma your husband has experienced (and no, i don't expect you to divulge that), so i can't say for sure if it sounds like PTSD or not. i think there is a strong possibility, though.

but a lot of people have problems with lowered sexual desire. generally it stems from relationship problems, i think. (although definitely when a person has been through sexual trauma, it generally becomes an issue in later intimacy. also, some people have physical disabilities that are problematic).

this is not an uncommon problem in marriage, but it isn't "normal" and "healthy" either, you see what i mean? and i do know another couple who had the same issue, with the woman wanting it and the man never wanting it. i know how damaging that can be to your self-esteem particularly because i have seen what she's gone through for years over it.

i think couple's counseling is your best bet. maybe you need a different counselor, though? it doesn't sound like things have resolved much in therapy. am i wrong? also, i don't know if you're aware of it, but there are psychologists who specialize in helping people specifically with sex-related issues. if you can find one of those, that might be a good idea. sometimes they are called "sexologists." but i would reccomend checking credentials because i do know there are people out there with no training who call themselves "sexologists" as well. and finally, if your husband has not had individual therapy for the traumatic experiences in his past, his getting some therapy for that would probably help things out a lot, too.

((hugs)) <-- if you want them

i hope this helps!

Angela