Four-and-a-half hours away.

In a little while, I'm gonna head downtown, do some shopping, and then walk over to therapy.

Last week, we ended with talking about that horrifically embarrasing, unnamed transference that I have not gone into detail about. I have only acknowledged that it does exist. I am assuming this is going to come up, and I'm a bit nervous. I'm sort of hoping he will look awful today. Maybe he will be wearing a really stupid outfit and half of his teeth will be missing. And all that transference will go away.

How likely is this?

Not very. I better get ready to talk.

I also want to mentioned to my T, that I have called my pdoc 2x, and gave him 3 different times which would be the best times to call. I have questions about my meds, and I also need to know if another blood test to check my sodium levels is in order. He hasn't called back. I will tell my T that if I die from hyponatremia, to tell doc to check his voicemail. They work in the same office.

I also really want to talk about something that happened in my internship on Wednesday. I have been working on my triggers and countertransference issues in the affective disorder unit. However, something occurred on Wednesday that was extremely overwhelming for me. One of the patients experienced a dissociative flashback during music therapy. She began to scratch up her arm with her fingernails really, really hard and slowly. Thank God I had another therapist in the room with me, as it is only my 4th week there. Anyway, it was so %#@&#! hard for me to watch. I obviously have my own problems with SI (but I haven't SI'ed since I started my internship--whoohoo)... but sit there, and watch someone else do it was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. We focused on keeping her safe, stop scratching, letting her re-experience her trauma... found out she was triggered by the music we were playing, turned it off, and she came back to reality soon after. I fought back my tears so hard. I didn't let them come.

I have a lot to talk about with him today.