For the first time I think I'm realizing how much bp is holding me back in life.

I did really well in college and started a phd program at age 21 - things that look 'good on paper' (I guess), but I feel like I struggle 90% of the time. I'm always fighting off confusion, defeat, being totally overwhelmed and consumed by my own thoughts. I feel like I live in a fog, which makes me present to others in a way that totally doesn't match up with how I am or want to be. I almost never talk about my ideas or interests for fear that I will be unable to express myself, or because it makes me even more confused and anxious.
This anxiety causes me to avoid a lot of relationships and opportunities, which then makes me feel even worse about myself. What good are ideas without the ability to share them with others?So much of who I am is bottled up inside. I'm convinced no one in the entire world has any idea who I really am. I'm a workaholic that never accomplishes anything. Life is passing by so quickly - days, weeks, months slip through my fingers and they never seem to amount to anything.

I wish I could just BE and DO without having to constantly overcome something, without needing to grip the world so tightly.