I was kind of in a low place for a few weeks and then, as i've gotten better, T kind of placed me in a 'dysthymic' phase. Now in the the last week and a half, my moods been very elevated. I feel like i'm back to my normal happy self. T and I were discussing the cause of this and I don't know. It could be the citalopram (today marks 7 wks) or it could be hypomania or it could be just me getting better.

I've had lots of energy lately, some of which turns into anxiety but i've been using herbal remedies. They didn't help, so the store has now given me a really potent one that hopefully will work.

I've been doing a lot of volunteering, am super talkative, kind of gaining interest in doing things I used to (specifically crafts that I used to sell before I closed down my etsy shop) and slowly thinking about going back to school.

But I also don't know if this new "fervor for life" is hypomania and I don't realize it. I've gotten a lot of compliments on how "happy my spirit is" and people saying how much they like me - which usually only comes when i'm super hyper.

I also have been spending way too much on things, simply because "I need to stop doing for others and start treating myself more" - except I got paid a week ago and have $35 dollars left now until the next check .

What kind of tipped me off though, is that I have this kind of desire to just tell the whole world about my self injury issue - of which I haven't done, with the exception of one cut, in around eight weeks. I've wanted to, but haven't needed to. I even told my best friend the night before last when I had the urges. But I really do just want to blab it out to everyone and just kind of show the world that i'm okay and be an inspiration to other people.

I've been super talkative (i've tried to shorten this post 4x). I emailed T last week with just random talk about like cars and college and God. (Which she enjoyed). And then At the volunteer event yesterday, I literally stopped like twelve other random volunteers and started talking to them. I kept going back to one group about four times and had to make myself stop because I felt like they would think I was a stalker.

I've also become obsessed with volunteering and had to force myself not to pick up like every shift because I don't want to get burned out (its dealing with sexual assault victims).

But then, I also can't stop sleeping which comes with my depression. I didn't officially get out of bed until 3 pm and even then I had to force myself. But when i'm up i'm wide awake so it's not like i'm just "so tired" - I just want to like sleep and sleep and sleep. Sleep is my happy place.

This may or may not even be related to bipolar at all. I could be simply progressing from the depression, or I could by hypomanic, or I could be normal. I have no idea where I am on this chart of emotional health right now. None of it really matters, because nothing is impacting me in a way that is harmful, I'm just wondering.

Sorry if this is all over the place, I know i've rambled but I didn't know how else to shorten this because I know my long posts can be annoying.