So, I have decided not to tell. I kind of still want to but I don't think it would be a wise decision.

I did, however, tell my best friend when I was going through some urges and she was like noooooo, don't cut. (we were texting) And I told her that I didn't tell her that I was doing that for her to like beg me to stop or anything, I was just telling her what I was currently dealing with. She didn't respond but then, at the end of the night she asked me if I was feeling better and I told her I didn't cut and she sent a smiley.

I realized that I can be kind of defensive of my self harm so I have no idea what it is i'm looking for when I expected to just blab it out to my friends.

Part of me feels like there is not sinceritiy in their response (as with my best friend) but then part of me goes into - it's none of your business back off! mode. Soooo this urge to blab out makes absolutely no sense unless i'm trying to unconsciously lose all my friends by being a total b* to all of them.