you know that story of the people in the quicksand and the more you struggle the deeper you sink? i guess why i brought up that story is you just have to wait out the depression phase and remember it does go away; nothing is forever. i just got out of a lengthy depression and a terrible relationship. and what's funny, looking back, that relationship caused most of the depression.

i am in a new relationship and it is about as long distance in america as you can get. i'm on the west coast and he is on the east coast. when he isn't around, my hallucinations get worse as well. i related to what you said about your boyfriend being your protector. i was also in group homes in my past and i had the same problem of when trying to bring things up with staff, i would just get sent to a mental hospital where nothing was even accomplished and i also cannot call crisis lines because like you, they tell me things i already know. and so, i just end up feeling as though i am wasting everyones time. i really relate to your post alot. and all i can say is, carry on. don't disappear because then it will alarm people; then when they do find you - the questioning. ffs, the questions.

just so you know, you can pm me about anything, at anytime and i will always reply to you. i feel like i am on psychcentral to just help clear the fog and be an ear to listen. i am very passionate about helping people see the hope life has to offer, i know some people need a new pair of glasses. (i am speaking in general) sure, life sucks - but can't we still find some happiness in the sun ray illuminating our path? i see the beauty in everything - even the most horrible situation. you have to, otherwise you just drown. (generally speaking again)