I'm trying to figure it out but not too much. Don't want to spoil it! Friends and family write or say the word "love" to me but T signing her email "Love, T" satisfies me in a different way. It must be the transference, I assume. Her love makes me feel safe and comfy, like a Mom's love should be. Like the love in my poem, The Blanket of Love, and the love I feel when T holds my hand. In my last session I told T I wished she would write "Love, T" instead of "sending love" but I didn't think she actually would do it! Seeing that satisfies me and I don't to email her again right now.

It's so weird how much that word, coming from my T, means to me, especially since I did have a Mom who loved me. For some reason I grew up craving that love anyway. For now, I'm satisfied with seeing it in T's email to me. I know I'm repeating myself, but I have to in order to know it's real. T is changing not only my neural pathways but my heart! Like when actress Sally Field said at the academy awards when she won years ago, almost in disbelief: "You like me. You really like me!" I feel like saying to my T: "You love me. You really love me!"
( I know the limits and the kind of love it is but that's okay!) I'm content with the therapeutic relationship and that's huge for me.