I am extremely sensitive to the emotion of anxiety. I hate it, it makes my skin crawl. I can handle being angry, I can handle being nauseous, I can handle being sad, I can handle being irritated, but I cannot handle feeling anxiety - not even a little bit.
I think this is why I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I firmly believe other people are just better at handling this emotion than I am. Like I was born with such a short threshold for this emotion that even the slightest thing that makes me feel anxious sends me into a shaky puddle of neurotic feels.

I have come to this conclusion because I've had a few friends who have done things that they were anxious about and they completed those things with flying colors - meanwhile, if I'm anxious about something, it will become the most awkward difficult event for me where I barely manage to hold myself together without running out of there in a panic.

When I was a little girl - I was eccentric. Things bothered me a little more than other kids, I was homesick for my mom whenever I went to school, I clung to her like a monkey on it's mother's back, I refused to sleep alone because I was terrified of the dark, I would have temper tantrums that deserved an Oscar, I would fixate on things like my toys or things being in a particular order.
While playing with friends I would sometimes wander off by myself for some reason. I have a memory of being at a birthday party with a group of friends when I was about 7 and I wandered off into the backyard alone while everyone else was in the front yard, my sister found me and I have no idea why I decided to do that. Other strange behaviors like that occurred.

Maybe it's normal though? No I am not autistic and no I do not have OCD, I grew out of these perplexing traits when I turned about 8 years old, but the anxiety has taken over my life since the age of 13 and I feel that my younger predisposition to want everything just right, safe, and in my control lead to my difficulties with anxiety as a teen and adult.

Any thoughts? Would love to hear other's opinions about this and perhaps even your own experiences if you can relate.