I love how this blew up since last time since. I got busy.... I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but before the focused shifted to shadix and coffee and random stuff. I figured I shed light again if I didn't it's been awhile. I've been busy that, I don't have a problem finding a girl to talk to that I may like and or someone I can show confidence in general. There are girls who like me, but there are obvious reasons I won't personality wise as in emotional maturity, over lack of self confidence where they are abusive, and or the red flags just don't stop from day one.


What happens to me, I just am limited to the girls I talk to because I'm either working all the time busy and all the girls there are not what I'm into and rather they are also all married/preggers/bf/etc... and home.


I'm not making excuses not to, I do make efforts a lot. I don't have any shyness. I've been hurting because one of my closest female friends. I'd definitely would have dated didn't know I liked her till after she had a bf when I flipped out. I flipped out, because I was shocked and I was shocked because I made it too obvious to tell her my feelings, I didn't hide it, but she took it out of context which I talked to a friend how weird that was. Even though she was truthful about it. It was bad timing, and my self esteem was destroyed by my looks. I've been working out all the time from almost a year now. I'm in the best shape in my life. I'm happy about it, but the only part that is starting to get weird is that.


I know I'm losing weight a lot faster than I should. I'm closing in on an underweight I've gained a lot of skin. It's not noticeable anymore, but when it was december yes. I was 245 to now about hundred lbs lighter and shrinking.


This self esteem thing has been ongoing for about many years before this gf thing. I just wanted someone I trusted a close friend anyone who would see me all the time. It doesn't have to be a gf but it would help in addition to healing.


If I wanted someone for long term, it be someone who is bisexual or someone who is accepting of my sexual needs that isn't judge mental and trusts I'm not going to leave them. I never cheated or left anyone. It was the other way around for me.


I've been too busy at the moment. I was sad, because of some things my friends get too mean when they give me **** about that. Not that I wanted one so quickly anymore. I feel if that person shows up they show up.


If not who cares. I got my life to live not waiting for someone else's.


I was sarcastic when I started this forum just for a laugh for me. I'm happy it got some people talking and got a conversation going thanks for that.


I am too busy to be on here from trying to get out of my current job and doing my passion instead with music playing shows and venues stuff like that. Finally going to college just to learn with like minded people and be social again.