Almost everyday i wake up and feel intense pain in my chest because of the memories that appear in my mind. It also happens during the day, evening and night. Sometimes i distract myself, but most of the times i cant. Sometimes i cry and yell when nobody is around.
I've read a lot about how such permanent stress can cause cancer and other illnesses. It probably will happen to me and there is nothing i can do. Mindfulness isnt working. Nothing will erase my memory. Nothing will bring me closure. Time does not heal, its been 7 months already and the wound is still as fresh as new.
I cant imagine what will change in future, what should happen so those memories would stop bothering me so much. I probably will live like this for the rest of my life, which would be very short one. Does permanent stress really kills me people? If so, im doomed to very bitter end.