I read your posts and got teary eyed. This is the first one I've read, i just joined today. This is exactly my situation. My husband has recorded me "acting crazy" to show me later. I won't watch. I remember, and it hurts. I don't want to do this to my kids and husband, but I can't help it and sometimes don't even know I'm acting different. I'm on effexor and seroquel. I too am afraid for anyone to know I truly am bipolar. I was diagnosed nearly 10 years ago but went through denial for years. I thought it was just normal depression and my manic stages were just my happy times, that I did stupid things and ruined my life in a way. I have a lot of credit card debt because it made me happy. Your story just sounds so much like mine. I would really like you to get in contact with me because sometimes you just need someone who understands to talk to. I'm not sure if you can send anonymous emails or private messages on here, but if you are interested, I think we could do each other a lot of good. If it's just venting and sharing what has happened and what has helped.
I wish all the luck to you. i know hospitalization may not be an option for you as you have a son and who would take care of him, plus that proves you really are crazy (thinking of myself, not calling you crazy. It's just how I feel).