well, as in all things, there are no direct answers. I have only been with him a few months, and with another T for several months before that. T#1 is part of the problem. WHen I met him I was in a very bad place emotionally, mentally and situationally. I became attached to him in nanoseconds because I was drowning. If I hadn't found him I would be dead by now and I am certain of that. But in many ways he was not the right T for me and that along with other unavoidable circumstances ended that relationship. T#2 then entered the picture. By then things were not so desparate and I was back in my nice little walls. I was still very attached to T#1 as well.

i would think he would tell you that he feels the relationship is coming along just fine, and that he is not expecting too much too soon. I think he would also tell you he is interested (concerned?) about how I perceive the relationship progress. He knows I am very preoccupied with certain aspects and I feel stuck or blocked there. I think he isn't sure what it is I want and I can't seem to explain.

The relationship felt better, more secure and more like it was progressing before he left for three weeks. During that time there was some drama in my life that severed a lot of connections for me. Since then I find myself unable to feel my way back. It's like I switched gears in his absence and I honestly feel something changed in me. I am very worried that what could have been a good relationship has been lost.

I sit to write him letters, something I had been doing a lot of, and nothing comes out. He's not inside the walls, he's just some guy out there. I seem to have more to say to you right now than to him.