Thank you for this, it's spot on. He says he's been giving for a long time and not getting anything in return. He's somewhat right. He also said he entertained the thought of being with someone else because I've been sitting in the fence. I appreciate his honesty as I entertained similar thoughts, I just never acted.

We're turning away from each other and that's not good. When he had the emotional affair I admit I was on the fence and giving him no assurance because his child has started trying to break us up and I was hurt and angry so I checked out. Doesn't excuse his behavior but I wasn't all in. Everyday I was threatening to leave if he didn't fix his child's issues, at the time I was pretty fearful and immature. I know he felt quite alone. Still trust is a trigger for me so while I came to know from the girl that he cheated with that nothing really happened between them I just decided to sit on the fence some more out of fear while he tried to show me for two years that he loves me.

That said, I'm disturbed by this latest looking away from me by him though appreciative of his honesty about it. We agreed to share this type of thing rather than cheat. My gut says he volunteered the info with good intentions but got freaked out by my accusations and decided to withhold the additional info I wanted to take back some power.

ETA: He's a CSA survivor and (this is not to generalize) but not feeling validated as a man is a huge trigger for him which is why his straying has been emotional, I think. He's in individual therapy for it and I see him volunteering this info as evidence of some changes. I'm also in therapy. I guess it's an issue of compatibility of ailments as sad as that sounds.