A few months. I know that doesn't sound like a long time, but I am really trying.. and I felt it was coming and now it's gone.

Everything we talk about is uncomfortable in many ways. My life is a mess. But I answer anything he asks, even when I'd rather not. I tell him when it's hard if it isn't obvious. I am sure I have barriers as well.

One thing you have made me remember is that I was nervous early on when I considered that this guy seemed so competent (sp?) and that maybe he'd do what he set out to do... so it was time to put up or shut up. It scared me to think of allowing him access to me inside my little walled city. Having said that, I have been trying as much as I know how to make that connection anyway.