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<font color="green">Candy,
I know exactly where you are coming from cos I have lived there and sometimes have to spend some more time there without much warning. I hate working through it; I hate remembering it; I hate that it is both a body memory and burned into my mind. I was not a young child, I was a teenager and thought myself quite mature, but HE was the adult and what happened was HIS responsibility.
I am raising two girls from our state’s foster care system; they were both highly sexualized at placement. They used to act out to both my DH and I, strangely enough being responsible adults we never took them up on any of their many offers. Thinking about that reminds me that my abuser could have said no, he didn’t have to groom me for his bed. He was way more sophisticated than I was and he set me up to believe I caused it to happen. My body loved it but I hated it and I hate it still today. Sometime I wish I could cut off his ‘parts’ and shove them down his throat.
We were not responsible for what happened and we do not need to feel guilty and ashamed that we were children and naďve. Please talk to your therapist about this, I could not have done any of this on my own – I would still be cutting and ashamed without her help.
Safe hugs {{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}
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__________________
dalila
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-Erma Bombeck
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