Damn

So today I noticed my partner was very "off" with me. And I dunno. It got to me. He said he had a lot of stuff on his mind but didn't want to talk about it but that he wasn't being off with me and he was sorry if it seemed like it was. Hmm. Okay.

I ignored it a little longer. When it came to half 9, he went up to bed without saying goodnight. That was the limit for me. I knew something was amiss then. Anyway. After a lot of talking, he came out with an admission. He's not worried about me leaving my job because of money or financial stability reasons.

He's scared of how his mum will react. How his mum would react to me leaving my job. I live with him and his mum you see. However, I don't see why it should irritate her - I'd pay the same amount of my rent, I wouldn't be much worse off financially (in fact, if I stayed there for a year I'd be £100 a week worse off because I'd lose all financial assistance and my job does not pay well) and I'd still be doing the same amount of chores, if not more.

He ended up crying. He feels as though he's in an awkward situation because he either thinks or knows (depending on the outcome) his mum will complain about me leaving my job, because she "wont look at it that way" - basically meaning she won't get the fact that I am actually ill. She seems to think there is nothing wrong with me, and that I should just "deal with it" because she knows this Bipolar lady that is in work.

Still. It doesnt affect her ANY way. In fact, it would benefit her because I'd be doing more chores in my extra spare time.

Im in such a crappy situation. I don't get why this is like this.

I can't even explain :'(
Im sorry I cant explain further right now. I don't know how to find the words. I'm just. I FEEL SO TRAPPED. Im sorry.

Trying so hard not to run away tonight.
I want to escape it all