Interesting thread.

"I don't know" makes me smile because sometimes I darn well know and when I say it I feel like a kid saying "That's for me to know and you to find out!" ... realizing of course that therapy doesn't work that way but still that's sometimes how I feel.

Perna, it is interesting what you said about writing and the fantasy relationship with your T. I have had a similar experience and while it can be satisfying (since I control it totally ), it isn't real. I was pretty entrenched in it, maybe still am, and it's hard to let go. It isn't even with my T.

I also write, journal or whatever you want to call it. I used to write more, especially before a session. Now I prefer to wati til after the session because it seemed like I was trying too hard to prepare and I ended up feeling as if I'd already explored something when I hadn't really, I had just written about it; but I would tend to not bring it up in session. That doesn't work because then I end up frustrated over it. So now I will decide to bring something to session but I don't decide the details, I just decide that I will approach something and maybe plan how to approach it; then I will let happen what happens. That works well for me.

Barriers. Fear always. Gosh I don't much like what parts of me I know.... I want to know more?! mmm not sure sometimes! The next step is a barrier: if I uncover something then I can no longer continue in ignorance...something will be required of me. What?! Fear again. Everywhere I go, there it is. I've though about this a lot since reading your initial post, SG. You know I"m new to this type of therapy so I don't know if this is an answer, but for me a huge barrier is that so many things I might talk about seem to point to my longing to be loved and I don't want that known, seen. It seems better to let it continue to be a gut-wrenching longing than to find out it will never be fulfilled, my Fear.