(((((Rhapsody))))

My father had multiple affairs and my mother stood by her vows (old Catholic faith) and ignored what happened. I don't know if she knew how he also abused us and I can't deal with that right now. I am somewhat estranged, now, from my family as they all "forgave" my father and he continues to fulfill his own needs at the expense of others.

I tried to "bury the hatchet" for my own peace of mind a few years ago and allowed him into my home for a visit, along with my mother. They live half way across the country - by my choice. I realize the situation is a little different, but, it turns out that my father was just looking for his own peace of mind (and a piece of my daughter)and was still the selfish, self-absorbed, self-satisfying man he had always been.

He was looking to gain access back into my life for his justification of what he did, trying to ease the burden of his actions. It was a disaster for me and my daughter.

I know all stories don't turn out this way. I know that we are supposed to forgive, maybe not forget, but forgive. I don't know that that can happen until the personal hurt is resolved. One of my sisters (there are eight children) was able to forgive him and others tried. She said that it was a very freeing experience and released alot of baggage and she was able to move on with her life without having to drag all of what dad did with her.

For me, having tried to forgive once and seeing that it was not sincere, was enough for now. Perhaps I will in the future . . . For you, I would not look at this situation as allowing him the ability to ease his guilt, but a way for you to put this all behind you. However that needs to be accomplished for your well being and mental health.

Good Luck
Songbird