I could honestly be doing better. i am not horrible but me and my boyfriend basically decided that we want and need to break from things as in our relationship since we just don't seem to have the time to spend with each other.
or commit to give to each other any-more. We both feel we need time to work on ourselves and our own issues.
but we feel we both still care for each other and don't nessicarly want to have anyone else in our lives...as far as having anyone sexually.
including ourselves, but we want to stay friends and if possible we want to build a better friendship with each other. We kind of both jumped into the whole having a relationship first and probably way to quickly.
and we are both treating each other in ways we don't like or that are not good for either one of us right now....and we don't want to do that too each other cause we do in fact love each other.
I come up with excuses for how he acts and try to justify it to myself in a way. I guess to convince myself the man I love is not a bad person.
but I do realize that not flat out telling someone hey you did this wrong and you ****ed up is hurting not just me but also them as well cause they won't really change what they do if you justify it.

I know it sounds stupid and totally not how a break up should or should not be.....but we both agree that this does not seem like its gonna be a typical old fashioned break up.
we both agree we do care and love each other. We just want to go back and fix some things between the two of us. And for the most part I want to believe him when he says that. But I realize if I want this to work I have to let him come to me as in talking to me as in wanting to come over to see me.



but please please, if you feel like this this not going to work....and its not gonna pan out at all I aprechiate that you feel that way....but don't say that to me right now. I want to choose to feel and believe that what he is in fact telling me is truly. What he wants to do....but i did tell him if he wants to stay friends and if he wants to build a friendship and also spend time together.....then he has to actually put in the effort to in fact do that. If he need to work on himself and better himself physically and mentally then he has to actually do that...cause I have noted before in the past he has made poor habits of saying that he gonna do particular things and he does not end up doing so.

and I did kindly remind him not just as someone that loves him but as his friend that with or with out me if he did not end up changing the way he did things. It would end up yet again hurting him and hurting pretty much anyone around him that interacted with him. So at this point if he really feels he needs to do this and fix himself then he that is what he truly needs to do.

in a lot of ways I think that even though this is going to incredibly hard for both me and him I think its what we both need. We do need time to ourselves to find ourselves and sort out our lives better. Things can and will work out for both me and for him....

I have been having an even more extra hard time on trying to deal with things in my life.....better....and that needs to change.

I need to try to cope with things in my life a little bit better then I have been.


and I think I can do that...it will just take time and my being patient with myself.