No - I don't believe it's because you like it! I think it is because you haven't found your way out.

Have you been in therapy over the years for this? Once you confront something and process it, the triggers should not be as big and looming as they are now.

Also, it could be that they are new triggers - the mind is very weird thing but it will only let you remember as you can handle it (I know, we all think we can't handle it but we can, we are here right?).

Be gentle on yourself and not judgemental and if you aren't in therapy right now or are in therapy and not discussing these things, think about doing it.

Tranquility