Apologies for the long post.

I have a toxic family member (A) who currently resides in Asia. In my culture, authority is truth (although I have a Western mindset from being here since little) and A is considerably older than me therefore it is expected of me to always listen to her advice, regardless if I agree with it or not.

A is extremely hot-tempered, and when I stayed with her for a few months in Asia I became increasingly depressed. When A is angry, she will not only scream but also say emotionally hurtful words that have lowered my self-esteem considerably - to the extent that by the end of my stay I found myself often having suicidal thoughts. A herself has stated she would say words that are ‘sharp’ in order for me to remember it. It felt like me against the world, because often her friends would support her if she decided to divulge the details of our disagreements.

I am now back in the West, and I keep in contact with A because it is filial. But I would always feel anxious and stressed whenever she calls because I am just waiting for her to scream at me for something. The last time we had a disagreement was only a few weeks ago, where she screamed at me for crying - saying that my tears were fake and merely a form of manipulation. Saying all of that, all she wants for me to have is a bright future. My parents have had a rocky life so I completely understand that she wants the best for me.

I am currently studying a postgraduate degree and have met a lovely person who is nothing but nice to me. He is not Asian. A wants me to move back to Asia after my degree, so that I can earn more money which is good for my entire family. Here are my problems:
- I don’t think I can live with A because my last experience was dreadful

- I do want to provide a good living for my family - but I am reluctant to work in Asia as I feel more comfortable with the society here, and I do not want to leave my boyfriend who is nothing but caring and supportive

So I am in the dilemma of choosing between a moderate living with my boyfriend in a place I feel happy and comfortable - or to hopefully gain a greater amount of money which I can provide for my parents and myself, but live in a place that causes me stress and misery with a person who makes me want to harm myself.

I hope this all makes sense, I’ve tried to condense it and make sense of it but these pent up feelings have been held back for a while and the closer it gets to the end of my degree the more stressed I feel about my future.

Many thanks