Quote:
Originally Posted by abysmal
i do understand how it feels to be deemed passive aggressive & the entire "charity case" vibe as I've been called so, and interacted with as such before as well.
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I don't want to be passive-aggressive. A friend suggested that I be so anyway, but I didn't like the idea. I'd like to resolve issues head-on.
And I don't like being the "charity case" at all. Not when I used to be so far from it. I earned good money and had a career when the bottom fell out. And I was helping others.
Having little to no control over even the smallest aspect of my life right now is aggravating. Beyond aggravating, it's depressing. And thing is, if others around me made just a few minor changes, a few small accommodations, it would make my quality of life and mood better.
I get upset and resentful that others near me -- who either are younger and have their whole lives ahead of them or who are able bodied and still have a career and can physically and mentally do a lot more than me -- aren't willing to do make minor changes that would not cost them much time or energy.
I mean... crap, I've had my entire life turned upsidedown and lost almost everything. And I appreciate having a roof over my head and my basic needs met. I really do. I don't want people to think I'm not grateful here.
But this is my entire LIFE we're talking about here.
No one can relate to the shoes I'm filling right now. And it hurts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina
the thing is, considering what you're dealing with in terms of neuropathy, well I don't know, the thing is, people do not understand the magnitude of what you feel. I don't know, in my experience, when those who are "well," or in "good health" read/hear expressions of illness, they have nothing to refer to beyond a common ailment which passes spryly.
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Yes. THIS.
The most anyone else in this household has had to endure is surgery. Some of it major surgery, though -- and it did take a few months to recover from. But at the same time,
they did recover.
I've been living with what I'm dealing with for several YEARS. There's a time when I, too, would not have been able to relate to my own situation either. So I'm aware of that, and try to keep that in mind. But at the same time, I keep thinking anyone from the outside looking in, realizing what I had and what I lost, would try to do more to accommodate certain things... Especially when there's some evidence that doing so can help me get back to doing more -- not less -- with my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina
quite simply they do not know how it feels, and of course, taking an empathetic stance would be ideal. do not compare yourself to them, you are yourself, you are unique, with, or without those ailments. wherever you are, it should be understood that you are not able to physically endure as much as the average person without causing yourself pain. it should also be understood that dust is harmful to you.
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Agreed. But how do you get others to understand? And not only that accept it's really the case? I often get the vibe there's a certain amount of denial here. I think having an invisible disability is part of why. Is it entirely why? I don't think so, but I'm not sure what the rest of it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina
there should be mindfulness, no, you are not a charity case, you are a human just as they, please don't be angry.
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Yes. And... well, I am a charity case, even if I am also human. If I weren't here now, I'd probably be able to couch surf a little while with a few friends. But that can only last so long. I think I'd eventually be out on the streets. Which I don't really want to contemplate.
I am angry about being in this position. If things did not happen the way they did, I'd be in a very different place now. Physically and emotionally.
I know s*** happens and there isn't much I can do, what's past is past. I do need to blow off steam about it now and then. But I also know I'm here, and have to live in the present, and make something of the life I have now.
I'm trying to make the life I have now better. Some days, it's not even really better but I'm aiming for
tolerable. And that in and of itself is a depressing prospect, when I used to aim for finding more ways to bring joy into my life.
There hasn't been much joy here in a long, long time.