I know the fear of not wanting to go backwards. You have been trying very hard ((Jane)),
just keep taking it one day at a time, you are gaining in your understanding of how you struggle, learning better ways to manage it, and you are in a much different place then you were when you did not understand it. You "do" deserve support in your effort to keep trying and gaining. The healing does take time and unfortunately is up and down too, good days and what seems like a lot of bad days. Keep being patient with yourself, keep coming and venting as needed too.

((Caring Supportive Hugs))
OE