3 yrs ago at age 53 I was diagnosed with treatment resistant depression after 20 yrs of worsening depression. After many many years and 5 suicide attempts - I went cold turkey off pmeds for 8 yrs. Not once did I have a suicide attempt in that time despite horrible continuing depression. Mood stabilizers were tried with bad side effects. So pdoc suggested maybe I do ECT's. In research I saw 80% did well. What did I have to lose? So while working FT and into my 8th ECT, I wake up out of a trance so to speak standing with my son to be admitted to the psych hospital (ECTs are outpatient). I was in the hospital 5 days as pdocs tried various pmeds with fail once again. Now to add to all my other issues, I now have memory loss, I get confused easily and always feel agitated and argumentive. Still 3 yrs later (of course can't work) I feel hopeless due to no change and no hope of even feeling the joys anti-depressants give you. I would rather die honestly. I am alone, no one understands me or cares to. I am a good person and the pain in my heart is never ending from the emptiness I feel. I am so glad it worked for some. But with no suicidal tendencies - .